Identity of a Pack-rat

I've been accused of being a pack-rat before, and for good reason. I am. I'm pretty sure I'm not in danger of ending up on the TV show Hoarders, but I certainly own way more crap than one person should own. Rather, my stuff owns me to a certain degree.

Until tonight, I've credited this toward a potentially unhealthy sense of self sufficiency. Since my first year in college, I've tried very hard to have everything I need for any foreseeable situation I might choose for myself. For example, I own a bunch of camping equipment because I will conceivably camp at any moment (although I rarely do). Conversely, I don't own snow skis because I don't ski and don't imagine I would randomly decide to find snowy slopes tomorrow. I keep almost all of my boxes because I move a great deal. You get the idea.

Well, tonight I'm realizing some additional reality. It's about identity. To a certain extent, it's my challenge as an introvert--so much of my personality is internalized that I surround myself with expressions of myself for others to see. Perhaps more importantly, it comes down to my choices of when to move on with my vocational and life journey. You see, this is the second time I've ended a chapter of my journey without knowing what comes next. This creates an unusual paradox. On one hand, moving should be a time of rejuvenation and purging--getting rid of things that aren't worth moving. On the other hand, with this type of move into the unknown, my life is lacking in purpose which challenges my identity; as such, I cling to my possessions which help define me rather than purging them for some known future. There's the paradox: a time for renewal and a struggle to maintain identity.

This just occurred to me about five minutes ago, so I'm not sure what to do with it right now. I'm well into the moving process, and I have a job interview in the morning. For now, I think I just need to keep moving forward. Now that I realize the paradox, perhaps I can effectively deal with it at a later time. Right now, I need sleep.